3 Days Down, 12 Wake Ups To Go

Well I am almost done with day 3 of the liquid diet. The thoughts and emotions are a lot harder to deal with than I thought they would be. I am having to face the fact that a lot of things in my life revolved around food.

I would get a Starbucks drink and pastry before going grocery shopping. On the weekends I would go out to eat with my husband. If we didn't want to make dinner we would just go out and get something to eat. We have a few places we like to eat that have some sentimental value to me. 

So today when I went grocery shopping I went and got some Miso Soup before I went to the grocery store. It was a liquid, it was an act of buying something before grocery shopping, and it helped keep something in my stomach while grocery shopping. 

I don't really think I am hungry, more that I am used to the act of eating and now that I am not really eating I need to find something else to do.

I have had a few weird cravings in the past 3 days. Some of them include squash, zucchini, eggplant, portabella mushrooms, tri tip, corn on the cob, a huge bacon cheeseburger, and a few other things I can't quite remember right now.

 These are three things that I have been relying upon the past few days and will continue to rely upon until the surgery. 

I also haven't been feeling well lately and I have really wanted some comfort food. McDonald's used to be my comfort food. When I went to the ER the other day all I wanted when I left was some McDonald's, but instead I went home and had a protein shake.

I have a few worries about the surgery. One is the IV they have to place. I have very hard veins to stick. Even if I am hydrated from the day before, I know they are going to have to stick me a few times. I also always get bruises from when they stick me. Another fear is the pain afterwards. I don't handle pain very well, and I have had abdominal surgery before when I had my appendix taken out. These two fears are very minimal though, compared to other fears that someone could have.

First Day Down

So today was the first day of my 2 week liquid diet. I am feeling a lot of different emotions and dealing with a lot of different thoughts.


The head hunger has been semi-annoying today. I keep thinking I am starving but I know I am not. I have consumed my daily water amount, 3 protein shakes, some broth and a serving of sugar free jello. Oh how I would love to eat a giant bacon cheeseburger with a big helping of fries. That is what sounds the best to me right now. 

When I start to feel the hunger I wonder if what I am doing is the right thing. I wonder what would happen if I just didn't go through with surgery and kept eating the way I do and stay a fat girl all my life. So what if I can't do a lot of things, at least I could eat what I want. Then I start to think about how this is the right decision for me and that it's just the head hunger trying to break me down. I want to be healthy and be able to do things that I can't do now. I will be able to eat normal food again, just not right now. 

No one ever said this journey would be easy. It most certainly is the hardest thing I will ever go through. I know that as the days go on this liquid diet will be easier to deal. The funny thing is that before today I was usually drinking a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and eating a sensible dinner, or going out to get something to eat. I think it's the ritual of going out and getting something to eat that is hard to get rid of. It was time for my husband and I to spend together. We just need to spend time together not around food now.

I thought I was prepared for this but I am beginning to think no one can ever be prepared for it until it happens. I mean I know what is going to happen and what I need to do, but emotionally you can't deal with the way you feel until you feel it!

And so it begins....

Tomorrow I start my 2 week liquid diet. I am totally ready. I have sugar free Popsicles, sugar free jello, crystal light, broths, and of course my protein shakes. I would have to say i am the most excited about the protein shakes. The reason I am so excited: TORANI SUGAR FREE FLAVOR SYRUPS!

The pumpkin pie, peanut butter and almond roca are three of our favorite flavors! We have been adding fat free frozen yogurt, protein powder and either milk for my husband or soy milk for me. They are simply amazing!

I have my binge eating over with. I have eaten the few things I know I won't be able to have after surgery. I am so ready for this. These next two weeks are going to be hard but I know I can get through it.

Tonight we had Indian Tacos with my mom. They were so good! My friend Nicole gave me a little mini cake to have as my last dessert. I am excited for that. When we got home from my mom's house tonight I saw the beginnings of a rainbow. The rainbow gave me hope for what will be at the end of my rainbow!

Helpful Websites

These are some of the websites I have found helpful. I also belong to a few groups on Facebook that have been a great support. 



The World According to Egg Face
 

Bariatric Foodie


Bariatric Advantage

Obesity Help

Living After WLS 

Here are some facebook groups I have found that I enjoy:
Gastric ByPass Surgery Stories
Gastric Bypass Groupies
Weight Loss Surgery Support Group
WLS Yard Sale
Curvy Closet

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Várakozás- Hungarian
प्रतीक्षा- Hindi

待っている-Japanese
 espera- Spanish

in attesa- Italian

No matter what language you speak, waiting is the worst thing in the world. I am not a patient person at all. When I want something I want it now, I don't want to have to wait for it. 

I have to wait 24 more wake ups until my surgery. Waiting those 6 months from September to April to get the authorization wasn't a big deal because I lost track of time and knew that I had to jump through some hoops to make it to April. Well now I don't have anymore hoops to jump through it's just the waiting game. Tick Tick Tick the clock is ticking.

Measurements

So I decided to measure myself today. Only a few weeks left in the before process. Here are my stats:

Right Arm: 17"
Left Arm: 18"

Chest: 59"
Waist: 53.5"

Right Leg: 31"
Left Leg: 32"

Current Weight: 306
Current Height: 5'5"
Current Size: 24-26

I find it interesting that my right side is smaller than my left side.

Last visit with the surgeon, and some other musings

    So today I had the last appointment with my surgeon before my surgery. Up until this point it hadn't really hit me that I was having surgery in about a month. Then I walked in to the doctor's office and was given a consent form to sign.... That's when it happened. That's when the reality set in. All of a sudden my heart started to race and all of these thoughts came rushing into my head. Along with the thoughts came more questions that I wrote down to ask the doctor.

     The nurse takes me back and does my vitals, then we sit there and wait for the doctor to come see me. My husband was in the room with me. We came up with more questions to ask the doctor. He put my mind at ease with some things. He had me sign more consents and told me I should only be in the hospital over night and that I should do great. 

    My husband and I went out to dinner after the doctor's visit. We were talking about our goals and such. I mentioned that one of my goals is to fit into a size 16 again. Currently I  am at a size 26. He said "Hey why don't we go buy you a pair of size 16 pants and a size 16 shirt for you to wear once you get to that size?" I was like yea right, I don't think I will ever get to that size but hey  what could it hurt. So we found a cute pair of jeans and my husband picked out a top and they were both on clearance. Here is what they look like:

 I really like the top. It's super cute. The jeans look so tiny. I have been big since about 2002 so it's weird to see something so tiny and to think I will be in that size someday. The last time I was in a size 16 I was in high school. Here is one of my current favorite outfits at a size 26 pants and 3x top:

So there ya have it. I hope to lose at least 10 sizes in clothes. I'm not going to put a time limit on myself. I am just going to say that at some point I want to be the size 16 again.

On another note here are the questions we asked the surgeon today and his responses. Our questions are in yellow and his responses are in blue:

Do you take the gallbladder out when you do surgery or do you wait until there is a problem to take it out? We generally only take them out at the time of surgery if there is a problem, otherwise we wait until there is a problem. Your gallbladder looks fine so we won't be taking it out. 

How soon after waking up from surgery do they have you up and walking? Are you allowed to rest a little before walking? Well they get you up to your room and get you settled in then they have you start to get up and walk. They want you to walk at least 7 times a day.

What's the difference or preference between laparascopic and robot assisted? I tend to use the robot on people who have a higher bmi because using the laparoscope tends to be hard on the hands if you have to constantly hold up the tools against the fat from the belly. I like to use the laparoscopic way the most though because I can feel the body against the tools but with the robot you can't.

How long will the drain be in?  I don't use a drain unless something goes wrong or unless this is a second procedure to another procedure and you need to drain something out of the abdominal area.

How common are strictures?  About 4 to 8% of people get strictures.

Is the pain after surgery like a pulled muscle pain or is it like something else?  Most certainly it will feel like a pulled muscle because we have cut in to the muscle and fat to get to the stomach.   

How soon after can we take a shower?  You can take a shower the same day after surgery. No restrictions with that.

Do you have to wash with a certain soap or antibacterial wipes before surgery?  Yes there are some antibacterial wipes that the nurse will give you before you leave today. Follow the instructions on them.

Do they give you anything to relax you before the surgery?  The anesthesiologist will come in and talk to you once you are in the pre-op area. He will give you something to help calm your nerves. You can talk to him at that time about it.

Do we get to have our own room up on the floor in the hospital?  Generally speaking yes you do get your own room, but we can't guarantee that. 

How does your stomach react to the flu after you have had the surgery?  Obviously vomiting is a lot harder and hurts more because you have such a small stomach. 

So there ya have it folks. Some of the questions we asked the surgeon. Sorry this is a long post, I just have a lot to say today! I have 13 days until I have to start my liquid diet and then 14 days after that is my surgery!!!!! I am excited, nervous and emotional all rolled in to one.