Weekly Photos

June 1, 2014

February 9, 2014

December 20, 2013

December 11, 2013

November 10, 2013

October 23, 2013

October 8, 2013

September 19, 2013

September 7, 2013

Comparison of June 20 to September 7

Comparison of June 12, 2013 to August 29, 2013--9 weeks out!

August 29, 2013

August 16, 2013

August 8, 2013

August 1, 2013

July 25, 2013

July 18, 2013

July 13, 2013

July 4, 2013

June 27, 2013

June 20, 2013

June 12, 2013 308lbs

7 Days to My Rebirthday!

When I went to see my surgeon I was 306lbs. On June 12th I was 308lbs. Today, June 20th, I am 298lbs. I have been on this liquid diet for 7 days now and I have lost 10lbs. I think that is pretty good. I can't say that it has gotten any easier to have only liquids, but while at work it is a lot easier than it is on the weekend.

7 days from today, at this time, I will be going in to surgery. That's 7 days to my rebirthday. Definition of rebirthday: the day of birth of a person other than the day they were birthed from their mother, a day in which their life starts over.

I feel I am ready for this. I know what is ahead of me and I am ready to face it. Losing this 10lbs has felt amazing. I keep thinking ahead of all the weight I will lose and how great I will look. How amazing I will feel. I am really excited. 

I sit here drinking my protein shake for the day and think this isn't too bad! I had a few stalks of asparagus and some zucchini and about 1 ounce of chicken last night for dinner. That was my light meal. I put it into a zip and steam bag and put in the microwave for 2 minutes and it was done. It was so yummy!

Today is my phone call from the prescreen department at the hospital. They are just going to go over my medications, medical history and tell me the do's and don'ts for before surgery. This is it, the last thing before surgery. 

I am hoping that they will give me something to calm me when I get to the hospital. 

Well everything is on track all systems go! I am so ready for this. Here we go!

Hard Times

It's interesting having my husband go through this with me. I have mixed emotions about it. Usually, before this 2 week liquid diet, if I wanted something and he didn't I wouldn't get it. For instance if I wanted to go out to eat somewhere and he didn't, then we wouldn't go out to eat. Well now that I am on this liquid diet I have really wanted to splurge, but I know I can't. Today I went through the Starbucks drive through. I ordered a Passion Tea Lemonade with Splenda. The Lemonade has sugar in it, but not the other part. He was upset at me that I went and splurged like that. So instead of drinking the drink, when we went in the pet store I gave it to another customer there in the store. While yes I did splurge, I at least didn't end up drinking it. So I feel like I had a small victory on my part.

It started an upset with me. The way he said things made me feel like I was a failure because I decided to splurge on something. He tried to help me understand that it was the reason I was splurging that was bad. He was trying to help me understand that I need to not revolve my decisions around food. It certainly is very hard going from my life revolving around food to all of a sudden I have to change that thinking and now life can't revolve around food. But from now on it will always revolve around food, just in a different way. Before it used to be when I was happy, sad, mad or just blah I would eat. I always found a reason to eat. Now, my life revolves around food in that I have to watch what I eat and the amount I eat.

No matter how much you think you can get away from the food, it is always there. When my husband went to the surgeon's office the other day for his last appointment before surgery, the surgeon told him that he would be on a liquid diet for 2 weeks but that if he decided to have a small meal then that would be ok. When my husband told me this I was shocked. I had been under the assumption it was only liquids, sugar free at that, for the 2 weeks. I started thinking of all the things I would be able to eat for a small meal if I wanted to. But then I realized that eating a small meal would mean failure on my part.

I am so afraid of failing. I am so afraid that what I am doing isn't going to work for me because of all the strong emotions I have. I almost feel like I need to see my counselor again. I stopped seeing her about a year ago because I was feeling better. Now with this surgery coming up a lot of emotions are being brought to the surface. How am I supposed to go from eating normally to all of a sudden having to change the way I think and eat?

For me the weekends are the hardest. When I am at work during the week I don't really have a problem with only having liquids. For a long time I have been having shakes for breakfast and lunch and drinking about 75oz of water a day. It's on the weekends when I have nothing to occupy my time that are hard.

Well I only have a week and a half to go. Only one more weekend to endure. I am certainly looking forward to my massage, manicure and pedicure 2 days before my surgery!! 

3 Days Down, 12 Wake Ups To Go

Well I am almost done with day 3 of the liquid diet. The thoughts and emotions are a lot harder to deal with than I thought they would be. I am having to face the fact that a lot of things in my life revolved around food.

I would get a Starbucks drink and pastry before going grocery shopping. On the weekends I would go out to eat with my husband. If we didn't want to make dinner we would just go out and get something to eat. We have a few places we like to eat that have some sentimental value to me. 

So today when I went grocery shopping I went and got some Miso Soup before I went to the grocery store. It was a liquid, it was an act of buying something before grocery shopping, and it helped keep something in my stomach while grocery shopping. 

I don't really think I am hungry, more that I am used to the act of eating and now that I am not really eating I need to find something else to do.

I have had a few weird cravings in the past 3 days. Some of them include squash, zucchini, eggplant, portabella mushrooms, tri tip, corn on the cob, a huge bacon cheeseburger, and a few other things I can't quite remember right now.

 These are three things that I have been relying upon the past few days and will continue to rely upon until the surgery. 

I also haven't been feeling well lately and I have really wanted some comfort food. McDonald's used to be my comfort food. When I went to the ER the other day all I wanted when I left was some McDonald's, but instead I went home and had a protein shake.

I have a few worries about the surgery. One is the IV they have to place. I have very hard veins to stick. Even if I am hydrated from the day before, I know they are going to have to stick me a few times. I also always get bruises from when they stick me. Another fear is the pain afterwards. I don't handle pain very well, and I have had abdominal surgery before when I had my appendix taken out. These two fears are very minimal though, compared to other fears that someone could have.

First Day Down

So today was the first day of my 2 week liquid diet. I am feeling a lot of different emotions and dealing with a lot of different thoughts.


The head hunger has been semi-annoying today. I keep thinking I am starving but I know I am not. I have consumed my daily water amount, 3 protein shakes, some broth and a serving of sugar free jello. Oh how I would love to eat a giant bacon cheeseburger with a big helping of fries. That is what sounds the best to me right now. 

When I start to feel the hunger I wonder if what I am doing is the right thing. I wonder what would happen if I just didn't go through with surgery and kept eating the way I do and stay a fat girl all my life. So what if I can't do a lot of things, at least I could eat what I want. Then I start to think about how this is the right decision for me and that it's just the head hunger trying to break me down. I want to be healthy and be able to do things that I can't do now. I will be able to eat normal food again, just not right now. 

No one ever said this journey would be easy. It most certainly is the hardest thing I will ever go through. I know that as the days go on this liquid diet will be easier to deal. The funny thing is that before today I was usually drinking a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and eating a sensible dinner, or going out to get something to eat. I think it's the ritual of going out and getting something to eat that is hard to get rid of. It was time for my husband and I to spend together. We just need to spend time together not around food now.

I thought I was prepared for this but I am beginning to think no one can ever be prepared for it until it happens. I mean I know what is going to happen and what I need to do, but emotionally you can't deal with the way you feel until you feel it!

And so it begins....

Tomorrow I start my 2 week liquid diet. I am totally ready. I have sugar free Popsicles, sugar free jello, crystal light, broths, and of course my protein shakes. I would have to say i am the most excited about the protein shakes. The reason I am so excited: TORANI SUGAR FREE FLAVOR SYRUPS!

The pumpkin pie, peanut butter and almond roca are three of our favorite flavors! We have been adding fat free frozen yogurt, protein powder and either milk for my husband or soy milk for me. They are simply amazing!

I have my binge eating over with. I have eaten the few things I know I won't be able to have after surgery. I am so ready for this. These next two weeks are going to be hard but I know I can get through it.

Tonight we had Indian Tacos with my mom. They were so good! My friend Nicole gave me a little mini cake to have as my last dessert. I am excited for that. When we got home from my mom's house tonight I saw the beginnings of a rainbow. The rainbow gave me hope for what will be at the end of my rainbow!

Helpful Websites

These are some of the websites I have found helpful. I also belong to a few groups on Facebook that have been a great support. 



The World According to Egg Face
 

Bariatric Foodie


Bariatric Advantage

Obesity Help

Living After WLS 

Here are some facebook groups I have found that I enjoy:
Gastric ByPass Surgery Stories
Gastric Bypass Groupies
Weight Loss Surgery Support Group
WLS Yard Sale
Curvy Closet