Feelings

Yesterday I went and spoiled myself and got my hair done. It felt good to be pampered a little. I am totally in love with the way my hair looks now. Sassy and cute!

When I got home I had a little bit of a meltdown, but a good meltdown. I realized that I am starting to look pretty and my face is getting thin. I took a few photos of myself to show my mom my new hair and I fell in love with myself all over again. I realized how for the past I don't know how many years I have not had confidence in myself, I didn't love myself. I hid behind the fat. I thought I was confident but I wasn't. I thought I was cute, but in reality I didn't believe it. 

I took so many photos of myself last night! I cried because I felt so pretty and I felt confident in who I am. This made me realize that in my professional life I may be able to go further because I believe in myself and I am not trying to hide behind my fat. That means worlds to me. 

This surgery has certainly saved my life. I am forever indebted to my surgeon for giving me this second chance at life!

This morning I was putting some clothes on to go out and get something. Charlie said that I was looking good and you could really see the weight loss from the side. He said that I would end up leaving him because I was pretty and becoming thin. I asked him why he would say a thing like that. He said that I would want to move on once I lost my weight. I told him that at some point he is going to be thin, but he is already handsome to me so there is no reason I would leave. I asked if he was serious and he said half and half. This made me sad!

I asked a lady who has had the surgery with her husband if they ever had these feelings. What she said made me cry because it was so beautiful. Here is what she said:
 " We have only joked around! My husband and I both love The Lord and our marriage is a fun, exciting, blessed, and worked-at marriage! We have our faults and have worked through so many! I know that there are much more beautiful women out there than I but this experience has been a shared one and no one can take that from us! I put my hope in Jesus and I pray for our marriage! So, yes as a woman I have often thought what if he leaves because he feels so good about himself that he feels he can do better---but I thought that when I was fatter too---it's just the chick in us! Know this---you have to be his biggest fan! You have to tell him everyday how proud you are of him and how handsome he is---he has to hear it! I would spend all of the energy that you could be worrying on praising him! It's hard to imagine life without him but I have learned one thing and that is---we both deserve the best and to be loved, ADORED, and treated well! I know you may feel sad today but it will pass! He is just feeling jealous because you are getting prettier everyday and knows that heads are turning and will continue to! That's when you reach over in public and SMOOCH HIS FACE OFF! Lol I am so excited for you two! It's gonna be a great life! Enjoy it together! Also, read the book The Emotional First Aid Kit it has a section on this very thing! Love ya girl!"

This lady is such an inspiration. Her and her husband have a solid marriage. They may have their struggles but they put their faith in the Lord and through him all things are possible!